The Kind of Love I Want

I do not know when our paths will cross.  What I can say is that I look forward to the day they do.  

Ever since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of my wedding day.  Of my dad walking me down the aisle to the man who was willing to brave my storm with such certainty that I was his forever.  

When I use to think of the kind of love I wanted, I began to overtime convince myself that my expectations surpassed reality.  The kind of man that I both wanted and felt I deserved was nothing more than a fictional being that simply did not exist. Finding someone who can love me the way I both can and want to love them is something I will not give up on.  Here’s why:

Our generation has lost sight on love and romance, but what I can tell you is I’m not that girl.

 My parents were young when they had me. As the eldest of three, I have watched in silence as they went through significant trials and tribulations.  From barely being able to make ends meet as young adults, to my mom getting a cancer diagnosis that could have easily taken her life. I have also watched two people persevere and love each other unconditionally.  Fighting through the bad and celebrating the good. It is said that it takes a village to raise a child. A village that they unfortunately did not have. From the highest of highs and lowest of lows, they faced it together.  For those that say this kind of love does not exist, I am here to tell you that you are wrong. I witness it every day.

I want the old-fashion kind of love.  Passion fades. Looks fade. But love has the ability to last forever.  The kind of love that is worth missing. Love that I never regret. I want the kind of love that is worth the darkness in order to experience the light.  Love that allows me to see that the time invested with the wrong person was in fact a blessing because it led me to the man that will be my forever.

One day mid-August, I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and my life began flashing through my head like an old fashioned film in slow motion.  I did not like who I was. I was living my life simply going through the motions but I was not truly living. It was that day I had decided that things needed to change and the way I viewed love was one of them.  You see, I want to be loved in uncertainty. When it’s not easy and in moments of doubt. When my worst is being shown, I want the kind of love where they understand that I will not be simple, ever but they choose to love me anyway.  Day in and day out. The way my parents love each other. The way love should be in all relationships.

That is the kind of love I want.