About a week ago someone who was a significant part of my life for almost four years, decided to belittle me by bringing up the one thing he knew was the most sensitive part of my being. Now revealing what this person chose to say or the impact it had on me is not the direction this is going. The truth of the matter is, I have been called a lot of names in my 25 years of life. Allowing people’s opinions to not affect me is a straight up talent at this point. Shout-out to my parents for raising me to have tough skin.
Here is what I want you to understand.
This message was sent to me by my significant other only 5 minutes after receiving a slew of messages from this other individual attempting to use personal aspects of my life against me that I had unfortunately divulged to them over the years. Keep in mind, my boyfriend had absolutely no idea what had just occurred involving the degrading messages I had just received. Is this message simply a result of good timing?
The answer is no. This is a frequent behavior that I am blessed to be able to experience in my current relationship. You see, here’s the difference.
When you finally get it all right, you take a look around yourself and the men who you let into your world and realize we have to get it wrong in order to get it right. One day you are going to meet someone who does not fit into the realm of what you are used to experiencing. This person is going to enter your life and make you feel as good as the warm sun on a Sunday afternoon. Anyone who knows me well knows I live for warm Sunday afternoons.
A year ago I was in a very broken relationship. I had everyone fooled. From the outside looking in, the relationship seemed to consist of love, happiness, and was destined for greatness. However, I knew better. He knew better. Change is scary though so year after year we went through the motions. Truthfully, the probability that it would survive long-term was incredibly low and when I was given the ultimatum to stay or go, it was God’s work of divine intervention that I chose to walk away.
I spent many months soul-searching thinking that I was somehow behind the rest of the world. That there was something wrong with me because I hadn’t found the one. That I was somehow lacking, somehow inefficient, incapable of finding love and then there he was at the most unexpected time. An answer to a prayer that I had asked God for time and time again.
For those of you reading this. For those of you wanting to know the difference between what you currently have or at one time had in a relationship compared to what you truly deserve, this is for you.
You deserve to know they will always be there when you need them.
You deserve someone who desires you.
You deserve unconditional love.
You deserve someone who builds you up and never holds anything above your head.
You deserve all of this and so much more.
You are always one decision away from a completely different life. Although change can be intimidating, if I would not have let go and trusted in God, I would have never had the chance to build something greater, find something greater, and be something greater.